Ever feel isolated??

As you may or may not know, Adam and I moved to Toronto 2.5 years ago. Lauren was only 7 months old at the time. And now? Lauren will be 3 next month and we have Jillian who is now a year old.

As much as I've tried to make friends here, I'm not having much luck. We actually don't have any specialists this week (I realize, this week is almost over). I could have been using this time to potty train Lauren. Hasn't happened. Instead, I haven't showered in days (not like me) and throwing pity parties for myself. Today's pity party? I gave Jillian a bath with Lauren. They LOVE bath time together. I usually get in the tub with them, but I decided to try to just hold Jillian in the tub. Jillian's tone is SO high in her legs that she can't even get into a sitting position. I knew she couldn't sit unassisted, but didn't know it was this bad.

I do 2-3 hours of physical therapy exercises a day. And she can't sit up. I know that kids develop at their own pace, but, I feel so bad for her. Although, I felt like the worlds worst human this week. Another mom to a CP child reached out to me. I met her on Monday. Her son is much worse than Jillian. No muscle tone, 14 lbs and 14 months old. He's listed as failure to thrive and CPS is involved. I felt so bad for this family. I came home feeling so bad for this family. And then realized how horrible I was. I have NEVER thought about any kid with any disability as different. This terrified me. I came home, feeling terrible. Adam kindly pointed out that Jillian's diagnosis is SO new and SO raw that I can't take on other peoples problems right now. And you know what? He's right. I've always been one to help someone in need and I really can't this time. I need to take care of myself and MY family.

I miss my family and friends in Nova Scotia. What I need more than anything right now is love and support. Hugs are always good too. I just can't motivate myself. I feel alone, sheltered and miserable. I hate feeling like this. Since I am always so upbeat, this is really dragging me down.